Saturday, June 14, 2014

Working Out and Eating Cleaner...

Since April 1, 2014 I have been pushing myself further than I have ever pushed myself before. I've been eating cleaner, working out doing blogilates and weights that I have at home. My collection will eventually grow - kettleballs, heavier weights, etc. Until then I use what I have. Mostly my own body. I finally treated myself to a yoga mat and MY GOD! it has made such a huge difference.

So, in the last two and a half months I have made so many wonderful changes for myself when it comes to how I take care of my body, from the inside out. I also have met so many amazing people along this journey. I have a new outlook on life, but I still have to put that new outlook on some other parts of my life. One thing at a time.

I absolutely LOVE eating the way I've been eating lately. I love fresh foods, fish, chicken, turkey and everything else that I have learned about that has made my process of eating "whatever" to eating healthy.

I don't weigh myself often, mainly because when I was weighing myself nothing was moving on the scale. I have lost a lot of inches (I wish I would have thought to measure myself on April 1st) and now I have finally started shedding some weight. 10 lbs to be exact.

At first this journey was strictly about losing weight. About fitting in clothes that I love. About being able to be comfortable and look nice during the summer. Now, this journey as opened my eyes to greater things. Living longer for my children. Being as healthy as I possibly could be. This isn't a diet so I will have some times here and there where I will eat something off from what I would normally eat, but you won't see me picking up processed cheese or eating anything with an ingredient list that's longer than my leg. I do still want to live and enjoy things. I now, just limit myself. If it's a yolo day I will have one of something. Or try to make it as healthy as possible. No fried foods, which now make me literally sick to my stomach. Sweets, well I used to be a huge sweets person. Now, if i have a thin piece of cake for a birthday or special occasion my mouth literally hurts. Then, my stomach.

This wasn't a hard task that I started. I thought it would be so strenuous and annoying and everything else negative. I think though that I was finally ready. My body had always been ready to lose weight. It was my mind and spirit that just wasn't ever fully into it. I truly believe that every part of my being was finally ready to be better, feel better and look better. Mostly, be healthier.

I started to run and I really suck at it. Majorly. I just wish that we had a park around here that I could feel so comfortable in that running would be the last thing on my mind because I would be too busy enjoying myself with the scenery. Unfortunately, I have yet to find a place. So I will have to hold off on the 5k I wanted to join. But that's ok! When I'm ready, I'll join another one.

So I would like to remember if at possible to document this journey further. I just always seem to forget to blog about it. I don't forget to post about it on Instagram though. =/

If there is anyone out there that is trying to lose weight or just wants to know how to eat better, I can actually help. I'm at that point where I have become an inspiration to others (so I've been told) and I would love to be one to anyone else who is willing to give me the chance.


Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Something New This Way Comes!

As of tomorrow I'm going to be starting a new journey. I have decided that I want to run. Maybe even become a runner. Crazier things have happened! I don't know exactly how this will end but I want to start this journey with a positive attitude and hopes in myself that I become disciplined enough to do what I need to.

I'm going to register with a pretty cool marathon called The Color Run. I've heard of it before and know people who have participated in ones like this. I figured that if I'm going to start a marathon it might as well be one that is considered extremely fun and if I have to walk most of it I won't feel too bad.

So, the journey will begin tomorrow morning after I send my children off to school. I'm going to start my 3 days a week 30 minutes a day walking/running intervals. I'm going to start off slow on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Next week I will start of doing better (hopefully). I will run Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. If I do this every week for the next 9 weeks I should be able to run the 5K or at least 2 miles. I'm hoping to be able to run even 1 mile without any problems. I have faith in myself and I think if I make this into a fun goal I will push myself that much more.

I'm so proud of myself that I have been setting goals and starting to accomplish them. Slowly... extremely slowly, but definitely surely.

I would like to document my progress with my running and my Blogilates that I will also still be doing just not as much. It's very hard on someone like me who is so extremely out of shape. Although since Blogilates I have been much more flexible my agility is so much better and my strength has increased, so I definitely do not want to stop. Eating has become better as well. I can't diet. It's just not in my way. I can however eat better and make better decisions when it comes to what I put in my body. Plus I love trying new things like healthy smoothies and snacks.

Wish me luck!

Friday, April 18, 2014

- Blogilates -

This is the whole idea. I'm hoping to look like a beauty again. 

Once upon a time I thought I could pass for someone attractive. After having my son, that feeling diminished. No one made me feel that way. No one ever put me down about my weight or asked why I wasn't wearing makeup anymore, or why I always looked like I just rolled out of bed. All of the feelings I have had about myself the past 8 years is all on me. I'm not only my worst critic when it comes to writing, but I'm my worst enemy when it comes to anything else that has to do with myself. 

I always felt that I had to work to be pretty. By work I mean wear makeup and always make sure my hair was done or wearing figure flattering clothes (when I was skinny of course). I didn't mind because I love wearing makeup and I love(d) shopping and I love doing my hair. I just didn't care at all about that once I had my son. 

First off, I had two other children and an apartment to take care of when he was born. I rarely had time for myself other than writing. After some time I just became used to "letting myself go". That being "used to" stretched for almost 8 years now. I had tried to lose weight last year and I did. 20 lbs. That 20 lbs took me forever to get rid of. A strict low calorie diet 24/7 and working out in the gym 5 days a week. This went on for 3 months. Now it wasn't so bad because I felt great, but if that was a few years before I would have lost 60 lbs, not 20. I know with age your body changes and with having children it can change as well. Up until my son my body was always the same. No, I'm lying. My body did change. For the better. I lost almost 80 lbs after my first child and I gained 20 lbs with my second and lost 15 so I was always happy with the way I looked, and felt. I thought, well with 2 small children an apartment and constantly going out with the kids while I was pregnant (and watching how I ate so I didn't retain water or too much weight) I figured that I would maybe gain 20 lbs with him. And that was how it felt. Even after I had him I didn't look like I gained much weight. I actually remember a friend of mine saying to me that she never would have guessed I was pregnant just a couple of weeks before.

Then the strangest thing happened.

I looked like I gained 100 lbs. I looked it up and basically my body hadn't "hardened" up after my son so everything was kind of hidden if you will. Once my body started to get itself back into a normal form, my true weight gain shown. How could this have happened? I was active. I was eating right. I was sleeping right. I was taking all my vitamins, going to all my appointments and never getting told once I was gaining too much. I was always told, "you're doing just great!"

So, how can someone who hardly gained extra weight during the entire pregnancy, look as if I had gained almost 100 lbs? 

I have no idea.

I don't eat much, I'm was active as a mother can be but I decided that I didn't have the energy to diet or work out. So... I let myself go.

When 2014 rang its bells I make a big decision. I was no longer going to "let myself go" or "feel sorry for myself". I was going to take my life back that I have felt that I've lost this whole time and be happy again. The more I'm happy, the more everyone else around me is happy. Or at least I like to make believe that's true. 

Losing weight and becoming more healthy wasn't my only New Year's Resolution. I made a promise to myself that I would get past my fears as well. My biggest fear? Failing. I chose to push myself to the fullest, with my writing, my family, my friends, my life. 

I had been following Cassey Ho from Blogilates for some time now. I just never tried out any of her exercises. I never listened to her advice on how to live better and be happier. Something, not sure what, but something made me go on her website, sign up to her April Beginner's Calendar and start doing something to shed these pounds. I've only lost 1 lb but I have become stronger and more flexible and I have agility. My posture is the best it's probably ever been and I may not be shedding pounds right now, but the benefits so far are working incredible for me. My back hurts, well... never now. My shoulder that was killing me for months doesn't hurt at all. I suggest anyone and everyone to go to her site and push yourself as far as you can. That's what I'm doing and MY GOD it's hard. 

But it feels so good!

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Deciding to be a little more happy..

I think I deserve to be happy. I think I deserve to love myself and appreciate myself more.

I’m tired of being unhappy. I’m tired of not liking who I see in the mirror every morning. I’m tired of having little patience with myself and the people around me. I’m tired of just not enjoying the fact that I’m a live and that my children, as crazy as they are, love me unconditionally. That alone is a reason to love life. I need to start appreciating things more. I’m not happy that I don’t have my own home yet. But someday I know I will and I need to strive and work harder for that. I’m tired of feeling bad for myself and I’m tired of giving up. But I’m also tired of not doing anything for myself. Everything in my life revolves around my children, which of course is how things are supposed to be, but I also need something for myself again.

I've made a list for myself of things that used to make me happy. As little as some of them are they worked wonderfully at keeping me focused. If I want to eventually make it into the writing world as a published author, I need focus.

Here is a list of ten things, simple as they are, that make me happy and I miss.
(The #1 thing that makes me happy is seeing my children smile and knowing they are happy and as miserable as I've been feeling lately I always make sure to make them happy. This is a list just for me.)

  1. Writing my WIP’s
  2. Blogging
  3. FanFiction
  4. Taking Pictures
  5. Walking
  6. Reading
  7. Playing Outside With The Kids
  8. Drawing
  9. Eating Better
  10. Organizing 

A little, everyday I’m going to start doing these simple things on my list. Maybe some days I can do them all. But I will not overwhelm myself like I always do when I try to get back into my life. Eventually more important things will come around that I will want to do for myself and I will add them to this list, but for now I will start with these little things.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

day 5 (late) - nanowrimo - in the beginning... or the middle... or start at the end.

I have too many ideas for my stories. That sounds like a stupid thing to say because having ideas (even too many) is the point! But when I have tons of ideas -not in ANY order- I start to get discouraged. I start to get frustrated. But I think I should write whatever comes to mind. I will just keep writing later scenes if need be until I can eventually fit them all together. If I can't, then the story just isn't meant to be. I have more then enough stories to choose from to be a finished project. Think Positive. The only way to be!

Day 5 - NaNoWriMo - I only went ankle deep into my writing last night. Well, maybe more like dipped my toes in. I had an idea for a later scene and I went with it. I just didn't realize how little the scene was. Is it wrong if I pick apart another story for NaNoWriMo? I think I just may have to do that to get my juices flowing better.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

day 3 & 4 - nanowrimo - at least i'm writing

I didn't get to write a thing yesterday or really get on the computer like I wanted to. But today I sort of made up for it. I haven't reached my daily mark but I'm not too far away. Now, I really wanted to write from beginning to end with this years NaNoWriMo but it just isn't working out that way. I have skipped ahead to later scenes for later chapters and started writing them out. Better to write something than nothing at all! Eventually I will piece together this poor story and make into something amazing. (Hopefully).

I've been doing some more outlining and planning and I seem to be changing parts of this story. The basics are the same, the characters and the main plot are the same but the rest of the writing that makes the story flow has gone from fantasy to a more horrory feel. I could be wrong about it though. It may just still be a fantasy. I'll worry about that when I'm done with the whole manuscript.

So for my fellow NaNo'ers... Write On!

Friday, November 2, 2012

day 2 nanowrimo - unfocused

I'm already not happy with myself when it comes to this years NaNoWriMo. Yesterday I wrote a measly 500 words. Today I barely finished a paragraph. Now, I can put all the blame on the fact that my kids have been home since last Saturday, (which really isn't helping my creative juices at all!) but I would be a big fat liar. Yes, my son asking me to help him play a game or fix something every few seconds can get you side tracked and yes my daughters fighting over every little thing that comes out of their mouths can put a damper on ones focus, and having the rest of the family talking to me when they see I'm typing can really make someone frustrated. But the truth of the matter is... my head just isn't in it.

Once upon a time I was at the height of my creativity and I had my three kids, in-laws and a other half who is almost like having a 4th child. So why was it so easy to write then? Why do I have a fanfiction that has more words in it then some finished novels on shelves? I could blame everyone around me. I want to blame everyone around me because then I wouldn't have to blame myself.

I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to writing. Hell, I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to a lot of things but it truly disappoints me the most when it comes to my writing because it was once such an important and constant thing in my life. I have wanted to be a writer since I'm 11 years old. My imagination has been my best friend all these years and something I am so grateful that I was born with. I still love to read, (probably more now then I have ever in my life) I have tons of ideas for stories, tons of ideas for WIPs. My mind is constantly churning with everything word related. Yet here I sit, another day staring at that blinky thing on my open word wondering... why is nothing happening? I don't know why and I don't know if I ever will. But I do know one thing. I will never give up. No matter how little I write or how many unanswered questions I have for myself, I won't give up. That is a promise I have made for myself and a promise I plan on keeping. Without writing, no matter how little I do, I would be lost.

So NaNoWriMo... here I come. One blank page at a time!

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