- Blogilates -

This is the whole idea. I'm hoping to look like a beauty again. 

Once upon a time I thought I could pass for someone attractive. After having my son, that feeling diminished. No one made me feel that way. No one ever put me down about my weight or asked why I wasn't wearing makeup anymore, or why I always looked like I just rolled out of bed. All of the feelings I have had about myself the past 8 years is all on me. I'm not only my worst critic when it comes to writing, but I'm my worst enemy when it comes to anything else that has to do with myself. 

I always felt that I had to work to be pretty. By work I mean wear makeup and always make sure my hair was done or wearing figure flattering clothes (when I was skinny of course). I didn't mind because I love wearing makeup and I love(d) shopping and I love doing my hair. I just didn't care at all about that once I had my son. 

First off, I had two other children and an apartment to take care of when he was born. I rarely had time for myself other than writing. After some time I just became used to "letting myself go". That being "used to" stretched for almost 8 years now. I had tried to lose weight last year and I did. 20 lbs. That 20 lbs took me forever to get rid of. A strict low calorie diet 24/7 and working out in the gym 5 days a week. This went on for 3 months. Now it wasn't so bad because I felt great, but if that was a few years before I would have lost 60 lbs, not 20. I know with age your body changes and with having children it can change as well. Up until my son my body was always the same. No, I'm lying. My body did change. For the better. I lost almost 80 lbs after my first child and I gained 20 lbs with my second and lost 15 so I was always happy with the way I looked, and felt. I thought, well with 2 small children an apartment and constantly going out with the kids while I was pregnant (and watching how I ate so I didn't retain water or too much weight) I figured that I would maybe gain 20 lbs with him. And that was how it felt. Even after I had him I didn't look like I gained much weight. I actually remember a friend of mine saying to me that she never would have guessed I was pregnant just a couple of weeks before.

Then the strangest thing happened.

I looked like I gained 100 lbs. I looked it up and basically my body hadn't "hardened" up after my son so everything was kind of hidden if you will. Once my body started to get itself back into a normal form, my true weight gain shown. How could this have happened? I was active. I was eating right. I was sleeping right. I was taking all my vitamins, going to all my appointments and never getting told once I was gaining too much. I was always told, "you're doing just great!"

So, how can someone who hardly gained extra weight during the entire pregnancy, look as if I had gained almost 100 lbs? 

I have no idea.

I don't eat much, I'm was active as a mother can be but I decided that I didn't have the energy to diet or work out. So... I let myself go.

When 2014 rang its bells I make a big decision. I was no longer going to "let myself go" or "feel sorry for myself". I was going to take my life back that I have felt that I've lost this whole time and be happy again. The more I'm happy, the more everyone else around me is happy. Or at least I like to make believe that's true. 

Losing weight and becoming more healthy wasn't my only New Year's Resolution. I made a promise to myself that I would get past my fears as well. My biggest fear? Failing. I chose to push myself to the fullest, with my writing, my family, my friends, my life. 

I had been following Cassey Ho from Blogilates for some time now. I just never tried out any of her exercises. I never listened to her advice on how to live better and be happier. Something, not sure what, but something made me go on her website, sign up to her April Beginner's Calendar and start doing something to shed these pounds. I've only lost 1 lb but I have become stronger and more flexible and I have agility. My posture is the best it's probably ever been and I may not be shedding pounds right now, but the benefits so far are working incredible for me. My back hurts, well... never now. My shoulder that was killing me for months doesn't hurt at all. I suggest anyone and everyone to go to her site and push yourself as far as you can. That's what I'm doing and MY GOD it's hard. 

But it feels so good!