2011 New Years Resolutions...

I have never went past writing a resolution down on paper before. I say I will.. but I never do. This year I want to make sure I do. I want to finish every goal at least by January 1, 2012. I really don’t think I’m asking much of myself. I need to get off my lazy ass[<- oops. See resolution #6] and make things better. Not only for me, but for my children most importantly. If I am happier with myself, then I can be a better mother. I’m told everyday I’m a great mother, but I know I can be so much more…

Here is my list of my 2011 Resolutions -

1. Lose ALL the extra weight I gained from Joseph. - Now this is a HUGE part of my depression. I have never been this heavy in my life. I hate how I look and how I feel and all it does is make me upset. If I was to even lose half the weight I gained from when I had my son I would be the happiest person in the world. This is a MUST. Now in this goal there is a branch of goals. 1. Getting the weight off and keeping it off. 2. Taking care of my body better. 3. Eating better and more exercise.

2. Finish at least ONE of my manuscripts. - This is an extremely important SELF goal. I truly need to get myself into the writing mode again and hit it full force. Once I get a good routine I should be able to bang out at least a chapter a week. That may not sound like a lot but when you go from never writing anymore to that amount, it’s a HUGE step.

3. Write Everyday. Even if it is one sentence to any story, I must write. At my writing class the teacher said to write everyday even if it was just a shopping list, or a random note to someone in the house. But, to me that doesn’t help. I do that anyway. I need to write everyday in some story format. No matter what… DON’T FORGET TO WRITE!

4. Once upon a time I had patience of a saint. Or at least something close. After having my son patience is nothing but a mere memory of a better time. I hate myself for it. I would love to know how it feels to not freak out over every stupid little thing. Or even important things. There is really no reason for it. My kids are kids that are spoiled by their grandmother. I need to remember that I’m in control. When I realize that again I think my children will too. Then, the once loved high tolerance in the patient department will show itself again. But this is a major WIP.

5. I do what every other parent does when it comes to their school children. I follow what’s going on in their school and classes. I do their home work and projects with them. I read to them and help them study the best my patience allows me. But I know that I can help and push much more. I don’t want to be one of “those” parents where I burn my children down to the ground with school. But I know how smart they are and how much potential they have. If me helping more then usual makes them only a 65 average student, then so be it. At least I know that we both tried our hardest.

6. I have the mouth of a truck driver! I curse more then I even realize I do and I absolutely hate it! HATE IT! I find it completely disgusting and irritating and I just want to stop. I’m an adult and with that comes the privilege of being able to shoot out a curse word here and there. But sometimes I find myself cursing a bit to much for my taste. Only when I’m annoyed though. I don’t use an offensive word unless I feel I’m given reason. Even when I try not to. Like I said… I HATE IT! I preach to my kids that cursing is wrong, yet here I am letting the F-word slip out. There’s no excuse for this. I need and want very much to stop. And.. so far.. I have been doing pretty good. As a matter of fact I let the F-bomb slip out the other day and my kids looked at me like my head just exploded. My oldest said, “You were doing very good..” I shook my head in disgust and said, “Mommy is working on this very very hard.” They smiled and continued playing. I have to say, they are very understanding and supportive children.

7. I want  - no NEED to go back to work. Not only for the money but for my own sanity. I have been stuck in my house with my kids - doing laundry, cooking, cleaning and dealing with in-laws more then a normal person should ever have to. [seven years & one month]. My son starts school full time come September. I can work from 8:30-2:30 Monday through Friday. That’s six hours a day for 5 days. 30 whole hours a week doing something other then motherly duties. I could cry right now just thinking about how amazing that will be. My goal is to try very very hard to get a job at Barnes and Noble. It would be heaven sent if I did. I only live about 10 minutes give or take from BN. Which is in the vicinity of my kids school. So for any reason I would be able to get to them in no time at all. Within this goal of being out in the adult world again comes another very important goal. Saving. I need to start saving some money. I need a new [new to me] car. I also need a cell phone. Ok no I don’t need one. But I want one dammit! I miss mine :(. And most importantly, I need to start saving to help with us getting the heck out of NY. Born and raised here, I think its time to put this place behind me. Very very far behind me.

So, looking up at my 2011 Resolutions, it seem like an awful lot of words. But technically, they are all just things that I should have been doing all along. 2011 is for me and my family. If I’m happier, my family is happier and my life will become exactly what I always wanted it to be.

So, what’s your New Years Resolutions for 2011?