I'm already not happy with myself when it comes to this years NaNoWriMo. Yesterday I wrote a measly 500 words. Today I barely finished a paragraph. Now, I can put all the blame on the fact that my kids have been home since last Saturday, (which really isn't helping my creative juices at all!) but I would be a big fat liar. Yes, my son asking me to help him play a game or fix something every few seconds can get you side tracked and yes my daughters fighting over every little thing that comes out of their mouths can put a damper on ones focus, and having the rest of the family talking to me when they see I'm typing can really make someone frustrated. But the truth of the matter is... my head just isn't in it.
Once upon a time I was at the height of my creativity and I had my three kids, in-laws and a other half who is almost like having a 4th child. So why was it so easy to write then? Why do I have a fanfiction that has more words in it then some finished novels on shelves? I could blame everyone around me. I want to blame everyone around me because then I wouldn't have to blame myself.
I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to writing. Hell, I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to a lot of things but it truly disappoints me the most when it comes to my writing because it was once such an important and constant thing in my life. I have wanted to be a writer since I'm 11 years old. My imagination has been my best friend all these years and something I am so grateful that I was born with. I still love to read, (probably more now then I have ever in my life) I have tons of ideas for stories, tons of ideas for WIPs. My mind is constantly churning with everything word related. Yet here I sit, another day staring at that blinky thing on my open word wondering... why is nothing happening? I don't know why and I don't know if I ever will. But I do know one thing. I will never give up. No matter how little I write or how many unanswered questions I have for myself, I won't give up. That is a promise I have made for myself and a promise I plan on keeping. Without writing, no matter how little I do, I would be lost.
So NaNoWriMo... here I come. One blank page at a time!